I didn't want to miss my deadline again...

*11:38 PM May 16, 2010


I am sorry to say that I lack inspiration this week. But I am an artist, and artists can't force art. Especially not such great art as mine. Yes, making fun of you, world, takes skill. It takes heart. And even though you all never stop being morons, it takes effort.

But I used to be one of you. I used to be stupid and selfish and lame. But I prevailed! (You all should think about following my lead.) And now that I've grown up to be this extraordinary woman/ artist/ knitter, I am starting to feel the weight of the guilt. So for this reason (and for the fact that I have nothing else to write about this week), I have decided to apologize:

I am sorry for leaving my sister's ipod in the car where it got stolen.
I am sorry for not visiting my grandma more often.
I am sorry I wasted my money on that dress that makes my ass look big.
I am sorry I lead you on.
I am sorry I forgot about you.
I am sorry I stole those string beans from the Fruital Farm.
I am sorry I didn't kiss you when I had the chance.
I am sorry I kissed you at all.
I am sorry that you apparently had no idea where my mouth was.
I am sorry I didn't drink coffee as a child. I did not know it stunts your growth.
I am sorry for not having a job.
I am sorry for this lame blog post.
I am sorry for hurting and disrespecting you.
I am sorry for not saving a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
I am sorry I crashed my car.
I am sorry I didn't punch you in the face.
I am sorry for lying.
And I am sorry for not being more mean, more blunt, more harsh, more honest and more of a bitch to you, world.

Someone has to do it.

Love, Me