Campbell's Has Changed Their Chicken Noodle Soup Recipe...
* 12:36 AM February 15, 2012
... TO HAVE 25% LESS SODIUM. Why do you think people buy condensed soup in the first place? Because salt is delicious. Might as well have said "25% less tasty warmth in your belly", or "25% less childhood memories". I'm sorry, but my mom did not raise me on goldfish crackers swimming in noodle water.
Valentine's Day is over again, and I still stand by my advice to be confident. Trust me, those sad statuses telling the world that you "don't need no man to make me happy" will not get you a date. If you're gonna be sassy on Valentine's Day, tell it to your bottle of wine, not Facebook.
You know what upsets me this year? The lonely, sad people who used to spread their misery all over Facebook-- who now have boyfriends/girlfriends-- who you'd hope would cut back on the sassing-- have now found new things to sass about! Equally stupid subjects with equally stupid opinions attached! It's like they've been practicing this whole time for D day to come where they blow up my news feed with sass loaded crap that leaks pathetic puppies.
Yet, I'm grateful...? ish...
It has been six months since my last blog post, World. And I'm supposed to reflect on how I've changed in the past year seeing as it's the two year mark... but I'm not going to because it's just depressing. And you know that the only depressing lives I like to focus on are yours.
What I can say is that I still retain my awesomeness (duh) and that I almost miss the uterusless cat and her space cone.
Love, Me
P.S. I looked it up, and Campbell's still makes the good stuff.
... TO HAVE 25% LESS SODIUM. Why do you think people buy condensed soup in the first place? Because salt is delicious. Might as well have said "25% less tasty warmth in your belly", or "25% less childhood memories". I'm sorry, but my mom did not raise me on goldfish crackers swimming in noodle water.
Valentine's Day is over again, and I still stand by my advice to be confident. Trust me, those sad statuses telling the world that you "don't need no man to make me happy" will not get you a date. If you're gonna be sassy on Valentine's Day, tell it to your bottle of wine, not Facebook.
You know what upsets me this year? The lonely, sad people who used to spread their misery all over Facebook-- who now have boyfriends/girlfriends-- who you'd hope would cut back on the sassing-- have now found new things to sass about! Equally stupid subjects with equally stupid opinions attached! It's like they've been practicing this whole time for D day to come where they blow up my news feed with sass loaded crap that leaks pathetic puppies.
Yet, I'm grateful...? ish...
It has been six months since my last blog post, World. And I'm supposed to reflect on how I've changed in the past year seeing as it's the two year mark... but I'm not going to because it's just depressing. And you know that the only depressing lives I like to focus on are yours.
What I can say is that I still retain my awesomeness (duh) and that I almost miss the uterusless cat and her space cone.
Love, Me
P.S. I looked it up, and Campbell's still makes the good stuff.
Guess What World?! People Are Finally Taking Me Seriously!
*6:50 PM August 15, 2011
World, I give you *drum role* my hate mail:
"I hate to leave negative comments, so we can call this constructive criticism. You call people out in grammar, however, you do not use it yourself.
I find it truly offensive, as I'm sure other people do too, about your statements regarding your ivy league education (which you dropped two times in this post). Having an ivy league education does NOT make you smarter than a SUNY student. If anything, it may even make you less intelligent. Womp, womp. You just spent $200,000 on your undergraduate degree. A degree which is meaningless in this day and age.
While I do agree with the annoyance of facebook status' I think it is disgusting that you can say a girl should get raped for posting a picture of herself in a bathing suit.
You may think you're being witty, but try being more sensitive and insightful."
Okay, technically it isn't "hate mail," it's just a comment someone left on my last post. BUT STILL! It's great for me.
Where do I begin?
Despite the casualness of MY blog, I actually have a personal spell checker who fixes my mistakes who was unavailable that night to check it. I also admitted to using Hooked on Phonics as a kid. A very true statement. What is not a true statement is my "ivy league education" THAT I DROPPED TWICE IN THE POST. (I (admire) the (sass) of your (parenthesis) use.) And since your eyes couldn't read the obvious sarcasm in MY blog, your EYES don't BELONG on MY blog. And if you're offended by me making fun of the fact that capable adults don't know the difference between "there" "their" and "they're," you need to get your priorities straightened out.
I'm assuming you don't know me because I actually go to a SUNY school. I'm totes with you on the wasting money thing. I'd rather spend $200,000 to buy you some friends and a personality. Womp, womp.
And why would I say a girl "should" get raped? And I didn't. I watch Law and Order: SVU almost everyday of my life. But hey, I guess you think taking pictures of your hotness and showing it off to the world of Facebook is a productive use of your time.
The bottom line is: This is MY blog (I've said that four times now, save you some time). I'm not sensitive or insightful and I don't care if I hurt your feelings. My blog is for people who are looking for a laugh, not for people who try and fail to make me look dumb with their "constructive criticism." And honestly, YOU offend ME by being an IDIOT.
I haven't had this much fun since the "Formspring Stalker."
Love, Me
World, I give you *drum role* my hate mail:
"I hate to leave negative comments, so we can call this constructive criticism. You call people out in grammar, however, you do not use it yourself.
I find it truly offensive, as I'm sure other people do too, about your statements regarding your ivy league education (which you dropped two times in this post). Having an ivy league education does NOT make you smarter than a SUNY student. If anything, it may even make you less intelligent. Womp, womp. You just spent $200,000 on your undergraduate degree. A degree which is meaningless in this day and age.
While I do agree with the annoyance of facebook status' I think it is disgusting that you can say a girl should get raped for posting a picture of herself in a bathing suit.
You may think you're being witty, but try being more sensitive and insightful."
Okay, technically it isn't "hate mail," it's just a comment someone left on my last post. BUT STILL! It's great for me.
Where do I begin?
Despite the casualness of MY blog, I actually have a personal spell checker who fixes my mistakes who was unavailable that night to check it. I also admitted to using Hooked on Phonics as a kid. A very true statement. What is not a true statement is my "ivy league education" THAT I DROPPED TWICE IN THE POST. (I (admire) the (sass) of your (parenthesis) use.) And since your eyes couldn't read the obvious sarcasm in MY blog, your EYES don't BELONG on MY blog. And if you're offended by me making fun of the fact that capable adults don't know the difference between "there" "their" and "they're," you need to get your priorities straightened out.
I'm assuming you don't know me because I actually go to a SUNY school. I'm totes with you on the wasting money thing. I'd rather spend $200,000 to buy you some friends and a personality. Womp, womp.
And why would I say a girl "should" get raped? And I didn't. I watch Law and Order: SVU almost everyday of my life. But hey, I guess you think taking pictures of your hotness and showing it off to the world of Facebook is a productive use of your time.
The bottom line is: This is MY blog (I've said that four times now, save you some time). I'm not sensitive or insightful and I don't care if I hurt your feelings. My blog is for people who are looking for a laugh, not for people who try and fail to make me look dumb with their "constructive criticism." And honestly, YOU offend ME by being an IDIOT.
I haven't had this much fun since the "Formspring Stalker."
Love, Me
Hi um... My Name Is Kylie And I'm Addicted To Complaining
*12:56 AM July 22nd, 2011
Sometimes I just really want to disable my Facebook because people are just SO embarrassing on it, it makes ME feel awkward... THROUGH the internet. I mean, I guess that's a pretty big deal and maybe something to be proud of-- NO. It's weird. I miss the "dislike" button because then at least you could express your feelings and be honest. Sometimes I just want to say, "u look like a troll whos wearing to much makeup (or maybe not enuff) and has parkinsons of the mouth in ur new prof pic." Because, don't forget, you're not allowed to have good grammar or waste time typing out full words on Facebook. SERIOUSLY GUYS, "to" and "too"??? I wish I allowed myself to curse like a barbarian on this blog because it's so hard to hold back.
But I bring it upon myself. I don't actually disable it. I mean a part of me is entertained by stupidity (like always), but if I worked hard and used Hooked On Phonics, then you need to too. See how I gave an example of the difference between "to" and "too." There are TWO of them... Okay now I'm just showing off my Ivy League education... Oh wait...
And another thing, I know it's summer, but when I see pictures of you in a swim suit and there's no beach/lake/boat/pool/sprinkler in the background... I've got to cleanse my computer with holy water all over again. And if you were lucky enough to receive Ivy League education like me... you'd know that water and electronics don't go hand in hand. When a creepy stalker finds you and rapes you, the defense attorney is going to pull up your Facebook as Exhibit A, and show the jury that you were asking for it. "She's a slut!" Case closed. He walks free and rapes again. YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR SERIAL RAPISTS.
And I believe the pathetic, *feel bad for me*, statuses speak for themselves. Don't get me wrong, it's appropriate to complain in a status. But when there's no ounce of humor or sarcasm in it, I promise you, one to three friends delete you from their news feed. Speaking of-- "there" "their" and "they're"... don't even need to pick up a book: Dictionary.com is your new best friend seeing as you've lost all of them from your stupid statuses. Oh look at my alliteration haha... you can look that one up too.
God I'm rusty...
Love, Me
Sometimes I just really want to disable my Facebook because people are just SO embarrassing on it, it makes ME feel awkward... THROUGH the internet. I mean, I guess that's a pretty big deal and maybe something to be proud of-- NO. It's weird. I miss the "dislike" button because then at least you could express your feelings and be honest. Sometimes I just want to say, "u look like a troll whos wearing to much makeup (or maybe not enuff) and has parkinsons of the mouth in ur new prof pic." Because, don't forget, you're not allowed to have good grammar or waste time typing out full words on Facebook. SERIOUSLY GUYS, "to" and "too"??? I wish I allowed myself to curse like a barbarian on this blog because it's so hard to hold back.
But I bring it upon myself. I don't actually disable it. I mean a part of me is entertained by stupidity (like always), but if I worked hard and used Hooked On Phonics, then you need to too. See how I gave an example of the difference between "to" and "too." There are TWO of them... Okay now I'm just showing off my Ivy League education... Oh wait...
And another thing, I know it's summer, but when I see pictures of you in a swim suit and there's no beach/lake/boat/pool/sprinkler in the background... I've got to cleanse my computer with holy water all over again. And if you were lucky enough to receive Ivy League education like me... you'd know that water and electronics don't go hand in hand. When a creepy stalker finds you and rapes you, the defense attorney is going to pull up your Facebook as Exhibit A, and show the jury that you were asking for it. "She's a slut!" Case closed. He walks free and rapes again. YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR SERIAL RAPISTS.
And I believe the pathetic, *feel bad for me*, statuses speak for themselves. Don't get me wrong, it's appropriate to complain in a status. But when there's no ounce of humor or sarcasm in it, I promise you, one to three friends delete you from their news feed. Speaking of-- "there" "their" and "they're"... don't even need to pick up a book: Dictionary.com is your new best friend seeing as you've lost all of them from your stupid statuses. Oh look at my alliteration haha... you can look that one up too.
God I'm rusty...
Love, Me
Happy One Year Anniversery Of My Awesomeness!
*12:01 AM February 15th, 2011
You know why I hate people in Manhattan? Because they stroll. And when you stroll in front of me, you slow me down from getting home and taking my nap. I already have to deal with your short legs slowing me down, now you have to whistle a tune and twirl your umbrella too? You know what happens when I don't get my daily nap!? I BITCH.
Happy day after Valentine's Day. Happy Getting-Awesome-Chocolate-For-Fifty-Percent-Off Day. That's the best part honestly. Just as we're all getting ready for bikini season *wink*wink*.
I've been thinking about how I've changed since last year... And I really haven't. A year ago I was bitter, sarcastic, drunk, and lonely... Right now, I'm bitter, sarcastic, drunk, and lonely. I have a miserable job that makes me a bad person (more than I already was) and even though I now have an adorable, nerdy boyfriend, he lives in stupid Rhode Island and Valentine's Day had to be dumb and be on a school day.
But let's face it, Valentine's Day is silly. You don't need a day to tell someone you love them. That's what I'm for. I love you, world. And I always will... as long as you keep reading my blog... and keep being dumb so that I can talk about you on it.
I want to reiterate what I said last year, world. Don't be sad on this day. Have confidence. I promise a potential Valentine will take you by surprise one day.
A couple of things have changed I guess. I am now a cat owner (not by choice). I don't feel pathetic lying around my apartment being a blob because I now have a job and you don't. And I have met more insecure people than I have in my whole life this year. And all I have to say to them is GET OVER IT. YOU'RE ANNOYING ME.
Love, Me
P.S. I actually had some ribs today before I ate my Dominos meal for five, completely forgetting that ribs was my food choice last year... I can still see some of the old BBQ residue on the keys... Aww memories.
You know why I hate people in Manhattan? Because they stroll. And when you stroll in front of me, you slow me down from getting home and taking my nap. I already have to deal with your short legs slowing me down, now you have to whistle a tune and twirl your umbrella too? You know what happens when I don't get my daily nap!? I BITCH.
Happy day after Valentine's Day. Happy Getting-Awesome-Chocolate-For-Fifty-Percent-Off Day. That's the best part honestly. Just as we're all getting ready for bikini season *wink*wink*.
I've been thinking about how I've changed since last year... And I really haven't. A year ago I was bitter, sarcastic, drunk, and lonely... Right now, I'm bitter, sarcastic, drunk, and lonely. I have a miserable job that makes me a bad person (more than I already was) and even though I now have an adorable, nerdy boyfriend, he lives in stupid Rhode Island and Valentine's Day had to be dumb and be on a school day.
But let's face it, Valentine's Day is silly. You don't need a day to tell someone you love them. That's what I'm for. I love you, world. And I always will... as long as you keep reading my blog... and keep being dumb so that I can talk about you on it.
I want to reiterate what I said last year, world. Don't be sad on this day. Have confidence. I promise a potential Valentine will take you by surprise one day.
A couple of things have changed I guess. I am now a cat owner (not by choice). I don't feel pathetic lying around my apartment being a blob because I now have a job and you don't. And I have met more insecure people than I have in my whole life this year. And all I have to say to them is GET OVER IT. YOU'RE ANNOYING ME.
Love, Me
P.S. I actually had some ribs today before I ate my Dominos meal for five, completely forgetting that ribs was my food choice last year... I can still see some of the old BBQ residue on the keys... Aww memories.
Well This Isn't New...
*10:39 PM January 11, 2011
I love my roommates. You know why? Because neither of them have jobs, and they stay home all day growing lumberjack beards while playing video games in the living room that is attached to my room. ALSO, they start three hour long movies at 10 o'clock at night when they know I have to wake up at 5am to travel through a life size snow globe to work. Did I mention they don't have jobs?
Thank goodness I have the devil cat, who is currently in a hilarious satellite cone, to cheer me up.
Besides jobs, my roommates also don't have the awesomely horrible sickness that I have that won't go away because I can't get a decent night of sleep. Oh, and it's really great when they make you feel guilty, like you're some crazy human being who desires sleep. Guess we can't have everything, world.
You know what the cat doesn't have? A uterus.
Love, Me
I love my roommates. You know why? Because neither of them have jobs, and they stay home all day growing lumberjack beards while playing video games in the living room that is attached to my room. ALSO, they start three hour long movies at 10 o'clock at night when they know I have to wake up at 5am to travel through a life size snow globe to work. Did I mention they don't have jobs?
Thank goodness I have the devil cat, who is currently in a hilarious satellite cone, to cheer me up.
Besides jobs, my roommates also don't have the awesomely horrible sickness that I have that won't go away because I can't get a decent night of sleep. Oh, and it's really great when they make you feel guilty, like you're some crazy human being who desires sleep. Guess we can't have everything, world.
You know what the cat doesn't have? A uterus.
Love, Me
Silent Night... Holy Hell...
*7:25 PM December 25, 2010
I've never had a whole month go by in between posts. But I also have a real job and was able to get good grades this semester. So.... suck it.
You know I love reminding you all of why I'm superior. It's out of love, really... well, it would be if I had the ability to feel that emotion.
Merry Christmas! Merry People Being Selfish And Comparing Gifts!... I really hate this holiday. People really take their parents' for granted on this day. Amongst the 162 "Merry Christmas!" texts I got WHILE I WAS SLEEPING this morning, the only other messages I got were "What did you get?" Why do you care? You don't. You just want to know if your gifts were better or more expensive. I see right through you, world.
And by the way, we are not kids anymore. There is no need to be up at the crack of dawn to open presents and then text your sleeping friends. When I'm up before the crack of dawn for work, you don't see any texts from me saying "Good morning sunshine! :D". The presents will be the same whether it's 6am or 10am. Santa doesn't cram his hugeness back down the chimney to take them back to the North Pole for his elves to play with.
I bet you're all wondering why this post is particularly bitter. Well, I'll tell you. I'm at my apartment alone. On Christmas. No yummy Christmas dinner for me. (I am looking forward to my Campbell's chicken noodle soup though...). Be thankful for the company you're with, not your parents empty banks accounts. I'm the last person to ever jump on the pity parade; I only tell you this to show you the real meaning of Christmas. It's like I'm Jesus.
Oh, excuse me, I'm not alone. I have my room mates' cats here to make me feel like a crazy cat lady. Tis' the season...
Love, Me
I've never had a whole month go by in between posts. But I also have a real job and was able to get good grades this semester. So.... suck it.
You know I love reminding you all of why I'm superior. It's out of love, really... well, it would be if I had the ability to feel that emotion.
Merry Christmas! Merry People Being Selfish And Comparing Gifts!... I really hate this holiday. People really take their parents' for granted on this day. Amongst the 162 "Merry Christmas!" texts I got WHILE I WAS SLEEPING this morning, the only other messages I got were "What did you get?" Why do you care? You don't. You just want to know if your gifts were better or more expensive. I see right through you, world.
And by the way, we are not kids anymore. There is no need to be up at the crack of dawn to open presents and then text your sleeping friends. When I'm up before the crack of dawn for work, you don't see any texts from me saying "Good morning sunshine! :D". The presents will be the same whether it's 6am or 10am. Santa doesn't cram his hugeness back down the chimney to take them back to the North Pole for his elves to play with.
I bet you're all wondering why this post is particularly bitter. Well, I'll tell you. I'm at my apartment alone. On Christmas. No yummy Christmas dinner for me. (I am looking forward to my Campbell's chicken noodle soup though...). Be thankful for the company you're with, not your parents empty banks accounts. I'm the last person to ever jump on the pity parade; I only tell you this to show you the real meaning of Christmas. It's like I'm Jesus.
Oh, excuse me, I'm not alone. I have my room mates' cats here to make me feel like a crazy cat lady. Tis' the season...
Love, Me
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