*9:32 AM Apr. 27, 2010
Hey world. Sorry I'm late, but while some like to flee from bats, I like to grab it, embrace it, and shove it down my gullet. Now if any of you actually understood that, good for you and your alcohol soaked brains.
So there have been some things I've been noticing about this fine New York City of mine... with buildings reaching the sky, where superman flies, and terrorists die-- whoa! Sorry, had a Dr. Seuss attack. But seriously world! This city and its citizens (and non-citizens of course) cause me a great deal of grief.
The bus for example: Let's get something straight, I hate the bus. It's where the fat, lazy, invalids roam. I'd feel bad about saying that, but when people take the bus then get off TWO BLOCKS away, they deserve a little bashing. Forgot where I was going with this... oh yea. When I'm dumb and wear flip flops on a cold, rainy day, I'll admit I need the bus' services. HOWEVER, when the bus driver sees a giant, white, blonde chick running to try and catch the bus, he snickers, rubs his evil hands together, then floors the gas and drives everyone's fat asses home except mine! Well Kylie, maybe he didn't see you-- No! I am very easy to spot in a town entirely made up of short hispanic folk.
As I slipped my way home, a jolly old man jokingly asked where my umbrella was. I politely responded "In the crapper, along with my bank account." Stupid wealthy lower middle class jerks think I can splurge on such things as rain shield devices!
Next, the subway (not the sandwiches): Despite our over-populated state, the dwellers of NYC are more socially awkward than any other place in America. "Should old acquaintance be forgot--" sorry! Picture this world: four subway seats, one person sitting on the far right, same on the far left. What does one do?! I'll tell you. These jerks sit in the middle of the two remaining seats! Yes, with the hump going up their butt and making a perfectly good seat unavailable to very tired people who have to carry their 6 foot tall body around all day. But I'm sure the white haired old lady knitting on your right and the 13 year old boy with the batman backpack on your left are crawling with infectious disease.
Oh and just to be clear: On the escalators, all the lazy people stand on the right, and those of us who plan to live past the age of 45, walk up on the left. Now I know this old lady is familiar with this rule seeing as she's been around long enough for her boobs to be tucked in her socks. Yet she still insists on standing on the left making us all late for our classes/ meetings/ falafel carts.
And to all the STD infested losers who call me "D-daamn girl" or "Hey mami you 'bootiful'" or "Ay yo ma!" When my head phones are in my ears and I'm obviously listening to my i pod, I DON'T FEEL LIKE HAVING A CHIT CHAT! I GOTS PLACES TO BE, A'RIGHT?
I'm exhausted New York City. I love you world.
Love, Me
FAIL! All Wrong! Honestly, What Were You Thinking?
*12:06 AM Apr. 19, 2010
Dear lord! It is rough being more intelligent than the average human being. In celebration of my computer's return to my clutches, I spent the last four hours catching up on my Ugly Betty episodes on Hulu. To my surprise and sadness, the series finale aired on the 14th, so I was not prepared for an ending (another ending...). And the worse part is that they finished the story COMPLETELY wrong. The writers decided to change the characterization of every silly person on the show. I won't get into details because I highly recommend that you all watch the show for yourselves. But let's face it, certain people are meant to be together and certain people are not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES supposed to be together. Ross and Rachel end up together because the world wants it!
Getting a little over excited... sorry. Anyways!
Another ending has taken place in my life. The bassist, Mike, of my all time favorite band, the reason for my love of music, why head banging is my religion, the cause of my severely decreased brain cell count, MONTY ARE I, has decided that it is his time to leave the band and to take a chunk of my Monty heart with him.
World, I'm not going to lie to you... I cried when I received the phone call breaking the news. I felt like the star of a movie. I had just finished playing one of their songs on my guitar and was about to go to sleep with happy thoughts of awesome music. Brrriiiing, brring. Next thing you know, my ass is behind the wheel of the first car I could get my hands on. (Yes I know what you're thinking, what idiot let me hijack their car knowing my car casualty count?)
The gist of it, world, is that I drove the journey (8 hours round trip) to see Mike's last show in the band's home state of Rhode Island. And let me tell you that Providence is like a NYC with smaller buildings and absolutely no civilization. Freakish... But anyways, of course the show was amazing and amazingly sad and I'm still trying to put pieces of my face that melted off back on. It is not the end of Monty Are I or the end of Mike. I hope he has an amazingly happy life and I'll miss him. Excuse me while I go cry some more.
World, I'm feeling faint from lack of slee-- zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Love, Me
Dear lord! It is rough being more intelligent than the average human being. In celebration of my computer's return to my clutches, I spent the last four hours catching up on my Ugly Betty episodes on Hulu. To my surprise and sadness, the series finale aired on the 14th, so I was not prepared for an ending (another ending...). And the worse part is that they finished the story COMPLETELY wrong. The writers decided to change the characterization of every silly person on the show. I won't get into details because I highly recommend that you all watch the show for yourselves. But let's face it, certain people are meant to be together and certain people are not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES supposed to be together. Ross and Rachel end up together because the world wants it!
Getting a little over excited... sorry. Anyways!
Another ending has taken place in my life. The bassist, Mike, of my all time favorite band, the reason for my love of music, why head banging is my religion, the cause of my severely decreased brain cell count, MONTY ARE I, has decided that it is his time to leave the band and to take a chunk of my Monty heart with him.
World, I'm not going to lie to you... I cried when I received the phone call breaking the news. I felt like the star of a movie. I had just finished playing one of their songs on my guitar and was about to go to sleep with happy thoughts of awesome music. Brrriiiing, brring. Next thing you know, my ass is behind the wheel of the first car I could get my hands on. (Yes I know what you're thinking, what idiot let me hijack their car knowing my car casualty count?)
The gist of it, world, is that I drove the journey (8 hours round trip) to see Mike's last show in the band's home state of Rhode Island. And let me tell you that Providence is like a NYC with smaller buildings and absolutely no civilization. Freakish... But anyways, of course the show was amazing and amazingly sad and I'm still trying to put pieces of my face that melted off back on. It is not the end of Monty Are I or the end of Mike. I hope he has an amazingly happy life and I'll miss him. Excuse me while I go cry some more.
World, I'm feeling faint from lack of slee-- zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Love, Me
Can You Forgive Me World?
*11:11 AM Apr. 16, 2010
World, have you been wondering why you've been feeling blue? Like there is a little cloud darkening your soul as you try to frolic in the our recent warm weather and sunshine? A hollow feeling like something or someone is missing from your heart?
Well that's me! I've been gone for almost two weeks and you've all started to forget what it feels like to be happy! My sincerest apologies world. But my computer was taken over by ANOTHER virus. Well to be clear, it was the same virus... it just came back again! Which, frankly, made me pull my hair out, sit in a corner and rock back and forth as I sang the chorus of "Blue (Da Ba De)" by Eiffel 65. It was the fourth time I've gotten this virus and I was ready to gut my computer with a steak knife to remove it... But I digress...
So much to talk about!
Due to my awesome levels of awesomeosity, I graduated from bartending school. Yes, Monday through Friday, nine hours a day of back pain. Excuse me while I brag, but I was one of three that graduated in a class of twelve. I can hear your applause all the way from Queens.
Wow... not that much to talk about.
Anyways world, I will be back for a normally scheduled blog post Sunday night with words on my trip to Rhode Island to see the amazing Monty Are I.
I promise tears, world.
Love, Me
World, have you been wondering why you've been feeling blue? Like there is a little cloud darkening your soul as you try to frolic in the our recent warm weather and sunshine? A hollow feeling like something or someone is missing from your heart?
Well that's me! I've been gone for almost two weeks and you've all started to forget what it feels like to be happy! My sincerest apologies world. But my computer was taken over by ANOTHER virus. Well to be clear, it was the same virus... it just came back again! Which, frankly, made me pull my hair out, sit in a corner and rock back and forth as I sang the chorus of "Blue (Da Ba De)" by Eiffel 65. It was the fourth time I've gotten this virus and I was ready to gut my computer with a steak knife to remove it... But I digress...
So much to talk about!
Due to my awesome levels of awesomeosity, I graduated from bartending school. Yes, Monday through Friday, nine hours a day of back pain. Excuse me while I brag, but I was one of three that graduated in a class of twelve. I can hear your applause all the way from Queens.
Wow... not that much to talk about.
Anyways world, I will be back for a normally scheduled blog post Sunday night with words on my trip to Rhode Island to see the amazing Monty Are I.
I promise tears, world.
Love, Me
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