*9:32 AM Apr. 27, 2010
Hey world. Sorry I'm late, but while some like to flee from bats, I like to grab it, embrace it, and shove it down my gullet. Now if any of you actually understood that, good for you and your alcohol soaked brains.
So there have been some things I've been noticing about this fine New York City of mine... with buildings reaching the sky, where superman flies, and terrorists die-- whoa! Sorry, had a Dr. Seuss attack. But seriously world! This city and its citizens (and non-citizens of course) cause me a great deal of grief.
The bus for example: Let's get something straight, I hate the bus. It's where the fat, lazy, invalids roam. I'd feel bad about saying that, but when people take the bus then get off TWO BLOCKS away, they deserve a little bashing. Forgot where I was going with this... oh yea. When I'm dumb and wear flip flops on a cold, rainy day, I'll admit I need the bus' services. HOWEVER, when the bus driver sees a giant, white, blonde chick running to try and catch the bus, he snickers, rubs his evil hands together, then floors the gas and drives everyone's fat asses home except mine! Well Kylie, maybe he didn't see you-- No! I am very easy to spot in a town entirely made up of short hispanic folk.
As I slipped my way home, a jolly old man jokingly asked where my umbrella was. I politely responded "In the crapper, along with my bank account." Stupid wealthy lower middle class jerks think I can splurge on such things as rain shield devices!
Next, the subway (not the sandwiches): Despite our over-populated state, the dwellers of NYC are more socially awkward than any other place in America. "Should old acquaintance be forgot--" sorry! Picture this world: four subway seats, one person sitting on the far right, same on the far left. What does one do?! I'll tell you. These jerks sit in the middle of the two remaining seats! Yes, with the hump going up their butt and making a perfectly good seat unavailable to very tired people who have to carry their 6 foot tall body around all day. But I'm sure the white haired old lady knitting on your right and the 13 year old boy with the batman backpack on your left are crawling with infectious disease.
Oh and just to be clear: On the escalators, all the lazy people stand on the right, and those of us who plan to live past the age of 45, walk up on the left. Now I know this old lady is familiar with this rule seeing as she's been around long enough for her boobs to be tucked in her socks. Yet she still insists on standing on the left making us all late for our classes/ meetings/ falafel carts.
And to all the STD infested losers who call me "D-daamn girl" or "Hey mami you 'bootiful'" or "Ay yo ma!" When my head phones are in my ears and I'm obviously listening to my i pod, I DON'T FEEL LIKE HAVING A CHIT CHAT! I GOTS PLACES TO BE, A'RIGHT?
I'm exhausted New York City. I love you world.
Love, Me
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I hate when people don't give up their seats for pregnant women. It drives me absolutely nuts.
ReplyDeleteBuses do suck, but have you ever taken one in Manhattan? It's kinda cool. Take the X51 through midtown. It's a GORGEOUS ride in a coach bus for like $5, plus it brings you like 6 blocks away from my hizzy.
MK :)