WELL I FINALLY GOT SOME INSPIRATION! (World, you should read this title and hopefully feel the rage from it.)

*1:27 AM May 12, 2010


Hey world. Sorry I'm late but I had a wee bit of writer's block. Luckily for you (said with big cheesy smile), my horrible room mates woke my ass up giving me nothing else to do at this late hour except make fun of their jerk ways. They should feel so special being a subject to my blog. Not too much seeing as I don't have enough respect for them to mention their names. Because let's face it world, none of you are worthy of that.

I have, however, given them code names for easy story telling. Room mate #1: Tall, blonde, and selfish who is IN NO WAY RELATED TO ME WHATSOEVER (except by blood), shall be named "Bitch." Room mate #2: Short, clueless, and dresses like a 14 year old, shall be named "Baby." Room mate #3: Tall, loud, and homosexual, shall be named "Butt." Notice how I so cleverly made their names insulting.

Our story begins in our one bedroom apartment. Our living room stopped being a living room when Bitch invited Baby and Butt to come live with us. Oh how we giggled with glee as we played house together. Who could have foretold that... dun dun DUUUN... we'd all get pissed off at each other's inconsiderate ways.

Let's start with Bitch. Bitch's spontaneous boyfriend whisks her away on a romantic vacation to Vegas where the gays' idols, Celine Dion and Cher, roam. Gorgeous hotel room! (ka-ching) Four spectacular shows! (ka-ching) Alcohol! (ka-ching) "Don't worry baby, I know you're broke as a joke and could never afford this trip. I shall pay for you!.. and you can pay me back in installments (wink) with interest." Okay maybe that's not exactly how the conversation went down... but you get the picture. "Oh baby, you're just the greatest! I love you! Here are all of my paychecks! Thank goodness for my gorgeous, humorous, supportive sister who will pay for my meals, magazines, and Dunkin Donuts! She doesn't mind sitting at home alone not being able to afford to go out and have fun." ... If it wasn't clear world, that last part isn't true.

Just a free tip, from me to you, world: DON'T GO ON VACATION WHEN YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO SUPPORT YOURSELF. That should be easy to remember I think... common sense usually is.

Except when it comes to Baby. Baby thinks those little pieces of paper the police leave on your windshield are love notes saying "I love your Hello Kitty seat cover!" The rest of us know them as parking tickets. Well, Baby conveniently ignored those little love notes in her glove compartment just long enough for her car to be towed where she then owed twice the cost of the parking tickets. Sorry Baby, your see-through tank top and cheek revealing skirt won't get you out of this one. Uncle Sam is a fictional character that doesn't have a penis to think with.

But Butt does (hee hee)! Butt, I love you and the food you cook for me, but we do not have the luxury of four walls like Bitch and Baby. So when I'm trying to sleep and all I can hear is your drunk self violently throwing up Svedka and delicious pasta salad, I'm going to want to slap you silly. And trust me I was going to, but the fact that you were completely naked when I discovered you, made me let it go.

So after all this on top of my sleepless night, I do not want to be woken up at 1am on a Wednesday morning because Bitch, Baby, and Butt are stupid enough to think that the living room is still a living room. Especially when the fourth wall (A CURTAIN) dividing my bedroom (former dining room) from the living room is not sound proof! I do not want to hear about the fun that I couldn't partake in because I'm too poor and have to do stupid homework for my stupid education (that Bitch, Baby, and Butt lack and need).

Thanks to them, it has now become 3am, and I'm sitting in my dark room wide awake writing about these unimportant people. I would just like to add last minute annoyances: Bitch, If you can pay the boyfriend you've known for 6 months back, you can pay me back. Baby, I just spoke with the 90's and they're kicking you out. Butt, the Real World called, they want to put you and your dysfunctional relationship on television.

I am now thinking about what I have just written. I look at the reflection in the picture frame across from me of my face that is aglow from my computer screen. I smile that evil smile of mine, and click "publish post."

Love, Me