Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who's The Tallest Of Them All?

*8:47 PM May 2, 2010


Sorry for the heat today, world. Hell froze over and it's my fault. You see... I attended a party instead of throwing one myself. It'll never happen again. So you can all rest easy knowing you can still rely (torture) me for a good time.

What I am about to discuss (not so much discuss because you can't really talk back to me when shamefully reading this when no one's looking) is not a new discovery. At the "party" on Saturday, I was just so overwhelmed by this... what can I call it?.. unfamiliar wildlife, that I had one of those light-bulb-turning-on-above-the-head moments.

While backpacking through third world civilizations (ghetto ass Queens), I had a chance to commence my research on the male species. To my dismay, I realized that bros speak another language, whether they're guito, ghetto, scene or prep. This language is basically the English language, only they leave out multiple letters in their sentences, remove complete syllables from words, and will use a word in a context where it doesn't belong.

Now ladies, one would think it wouldn't be difficult to understand the ignorant language. Wrong! It's hard (tee hee)! I wish I had my English to Idiot translator book to help me get through the conversation at this "party." Some examples that personally made me wish my head would implode included: "That was mad O.D." and "Yea, I peeped that." I refuse to tell you the meaning of those phrases in order to keep you B+ and higher minds from harm. Oh, and one phrase they couldn't leave out of any sentence was "my nigga" (ugh, it hurt to type that). For the record, I hate that word even if it doesn't have the "-er."

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the tallest of them all? Now, seeing as you're all beneath, let's leave the language creating to me. Totes see you next week world.

One more thing... Y-O-U-'-R-E MEANS "YOU ARE!" Y-O-U-R MEANS "YOUR!"

Love, Me